In the last few weeks, I saw a lot of transition.
I got back to Cavite, I was separated by 2 to 3 hours from my friends. Stuff like that got to me.
On the plus side, I get to spend more time with my family and on my own business (I’m currently working on a how-to guide right now). But the thing is, whenever I do get to meet with my friends off in the wonderful land of Ortigas, Pasig, they greet me with this:
“Tumataba tayo ah”
Now, to those wondering, that means “Hey, you’re adding on some weight.”
Thing is, I did some efforts on getting myself trimmed and getting back to that weight where I got a whole college class to crush on me (that was legit, I swear!). I did lose some weight and people did praise me for it, like, those that really mattered to me. I never got back to what I was in my prime (like, when I was crazy freaking hot). But I did get to feel much, much better. Nothing physical was as hard as it was.
But somewhere in the line, things changed. I started eating more than I used to. I started to cut boxing classes and go idle instead. Somewhere in the line, things changed. And that involved me reverting back to my idleness and, at some point, I get angry quicker.
Made me realize, was I really into losing weight? Or was I just eager to shut the hell out of everyone who called me fat, up?
I looked back and I found that back in the day, I wanted to just feel better about myself.
Sure, I know that comes with acceptance and stuff. But I really just wanted to feel better about myself. That I loved to box. That, in some way, I box because it helps me feel better physically (and at some point, emotionally), is a way for me to love myself.
The same can be said when I biked that 60 kilometers from Alabang to Cavite. I just wanted to feel better about myself. I loved biking, after all. Makes me feel like I was part of the Rohirrim. It made me feel free.
While both had that agenda of shutting everyone up and proving them wrong, I can’t say that that was my main purpose.
I just wanted to do the things I want to do – these things. I’ve had enough of reasons, both for doing these and not doing these activities. This sort of turned me around and gave me an epiphany – so, if you really want to do these things, why aren’t you doing them now?
A lot of reason popped up in my head. I and started shutting them off. I’ll be responsible, true. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to compromise what I want to do.
The same can be said in a professional standpoint. Sure, you’re in it for the money. But at some point, things are going to change and you’ll be faced with a decision whether you should continue or not. That brings you back to the reason for trying this venture out – were you in it because it was the thing you really wanted to do? Or was it because of the perks or that quick money thing you see or hear in the banners and podcasts respectively?
Think about it.
Yeah, folks. I’m going back to boxing – not for show or anything else (I know, I’ve made a lot of broken promises to myself, I’m not making one now), but for the mere love of the sport.
So if you’ve gotten down to it, how bad do you want it? Do you REALLY want it?